Paleo Plantain Pizza Crust

26 Jan

“Let’s get pizza tonight for the big game!” said my husband after I’ve told him a bajillion times I’m doing Whole30. SIGH. I swear if someone won the selective hearing award of the world, it would be him. We ordered pizza that night, but I wasn’t going to blow it on takeout. That’s why this paleo plantain pizza crust saved the day.

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Ok before the Whole30 police get all up in my grill, I realize this is a SWYPO meal (if you don’t know that acronym, Google. It would make me blush to type it out). I totally 110% understand that this isn’t in the purest of whole30 intentions. I do, I get it. So if you are all like, “I’m going to kill this Whole30 thing” then GO YOU and find another whole30 recipe here! But if you’ve completed your challenge and want to keep going with this whole ‘healthy eating that’s changed your life’ thing, maybe this is right up your ally.

This paleo plantain pizza crust is made with insanely simple ingredients all blended together, taking seconds to make and a few minutes to bake – it would make Papa Murphy’s jaw drop. Then simply smother on some compliant pizza sauce and your toppings (I used prosciutto and mushrooms) and a sprinkle of nutritional yeast (because, if I’m going to SWYPO I may as well add a cheesy flavor without actually using cheese), and BOOM! A healthy version of pizza. Definitely paleo, definitely healthy, whole30?? I’ll just say “not really”. Yes, all the ingredients are compliant, the concept however? Eh.

I totally embraced that you “you do you” thing when I scarfed down this grain-free, dairy-free, nut-free pizza. I felt kind of like I was playing hookie in 10th grade orchestra. Like, “oooh I shouldn’t be doing this but pshhh what’s the harm in this one little time?” It was the most heart-pounding excitement I’ve had in months.

The best part? When my husband laid on the couch like a beached whale and complained how bloated and gassy he felt that night, I was all, “whelp, THAT’S what you get when you eat a pizza in front of your whole30 wife. No sympathy buddy – the whole30 Gods were watching you.” Karma.

My toddler even asked for my crust over the ‘real’ one. I didn’t even care who won the game, because I won over the toddler. I’m on FIRE tonight. Even if I wasn’t 110% whole30. Whatever, moving on.

Paleo Plantain Pizza Crust

To make this paleo plantain pizza crust, preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Peel one ripe green plantain (you’ll know the plantain is ripe when it starts to become yellow in color – or purchase a slightly yellow plantain instead of waiting for it to ripen), cut into large pieces, then place into a food processor or blender. Ddd the dried herbs, salt, olive oil, and egg white and pulse or blend until thick and creamy.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and pour the plantain puree over the top, evening it out until it’s about 1/2″ thick throughout. Bake for 12-15 minutes.

Once the crust is fully baked (you should be able to pick it up without it breaking), add the pizza sauce and desired toppings. Bake again for 10 minutes, or until all the toppings have cooked. If desired, sprinkle nutritional yeast on the top.

I guess I know what I’m making for Super Bowl. Need other healthy game food ideas? Check out these:

honey tequila lime chicken dummies,

Whole30 sloppy joe bowls,

roasted red pepper and eggplant tapenade dip (also Whole30 compliant)