I’ve never been afraid of long-term relationships. I had a boyfriend in high school for two years, one in college for five, and I’ve been happily driving my husband crazy (or vise versa) for almost seven years. I’ve hung on to jeans for over a decade and still have some prized mixed CD’s from my teenage days.
But one relationship I had been missing out was with the scale.
Yup, a health and fitness nut that doesn’t own a scale. Is that some sort of oxymoron? Or maybe a stroke of brilliance? One thing is true – numbers make a person competitive. Not in an I-love-myself kind of way either.
Numbers are points that win (or lose) a game. Numbers are grades that let you pass or summon you to fail. Numbers keep track and they don’t lie, being your best friend or worst enemy – constantly telling you to do better and driving your motivations for the digit you seemingly NEED to feel satisfaction.
So that’s why I never felt like I was missing out on owning that numbered square platform. It was a relationship that seemed to offer more negatives that positives. Lots of drama, maybe even a few tears…uncertainty that never really got me jazzed for the stability I liked in a relationship.
It did seem enticing – just to know. Knowledge is power, right? Women are curious creatures, we like just KNOWING. When are you going to be home? How long did the kids nap? How much have I spent at Target this month? (How much MORE can I spend at Target this month?)
Knowing our weight is sort of a rite of passage. You go in for a physical – WEIGHT. You pass your drivers test and get a license – WEIGHT. You fill out insurance paperwork – WEIGHT. So occasionally I’d weigh myself at the gym to ‘sort of’ know. So I had a general idea of course. And that was good enough for most of my adult life.
The First Meeting
Until my neighbor was moving and needed to purge belongings (on other poor souls that thought they needed more ‘stuff’ until they inevitably move again…life of a military family).
“Oooo a digital scale! Does it work?” I asked her.
“Yeah, it works. I just don’t need two.”
TWO scales? Wait, is this like a thing now? I must have been missing something important if having multiple household scales is now the norm. I have two food processors. And I thought that was a bit irrational.
I took the scale. I mean, why not? It might be good to know how much I weighed – having a scale under the bathroom sink, just in case. For emergencies and stuff. To weigh luggage when we travel – yeah, totally to weigh luggage!
Moment of Truth
So when my curiosity got the best of me and I first stepped on the black square of soul-lessness, I wasn’t shocked or ecstatic. It was roughly what I’d thought. I prided myself on not really dwelling on a certain number or letting my weight define my body acceptance. Fist pumping girl power if I do say so myself.
Then I got pregnant with my second child. Let me rephrase, I’m still pregnant with my second child…
My first pregnancy was textbook. No sickness, I stayed active, felt great, and gained 25 pounds total, on.the.dot (according to the doctor. You know, since I didn’t own a scale).
The first trimester with this second pregnancy was MUCH different. I couldn’t even stand the thought of a kale smoothie for breakfast or salmon with roasted vegetables for dinner like I ate with my first. Cue Jimmy Fallon – “EWH”.
“Bread, bread, bread. Just give me some freaking sourdough bread!”
“All I ate the entire day was cereal”
“MUST SMOTHER CHOCOLATE ALL OVER CHEESY PASTA SHELLS!”
Every healthy food I pledged my never-ending love to was out. Soooo out. Just the thought of greens and lean protein made me sick to my stomach. So I did the unthinkable. *GASP! I ate junk. A lot of junk. For three solid months.
Then one day (it was actually a pretty decent day up until that point), I hopped on that scale.
“OMG. WHAT?! No. This stupid thing is broken.” Step off. Step back on. “Ok is this a joke? Ashton? Is this me being punk’d?”
For the first time in my life, the scale won. It got me – threw me into panic mode. I had gained well over half of the amount of weight in that short first trimester that I had in my entire first pregnancy.
The Breakup
Don’t you just want to smack me and tell me to shut up? Totally silly right? It’s really not THAT much weight. But it threw me. Dammit that scale – that ‘supposed to be my friend’ scale. We are NOT friends. We are done. Sayonara.
Ashamed to admit this, I fretted for a few days over that number. And why? For what? Because I gave myself a hall pass to eat what I needed to? Because I was growing a baby that clearly only liked sugar and carbs? The baby MADE me eat it. And ice cream is good, so the end.
My underwear doesn’t fit anymore. Yeah, my butt has gotten a little bigger. But I’m kind of digging it. And I know I’m going to gain more weight this pregnancy than with my first. But I’m cookin’ up a kid in there, that’s even measuring bigger than my almost 9-pound first baby did. AND why the hell do I really care about some number when I look and feel good in my skin anyway?!
That scale no longer has the privilege of supporting my 5-months-ago pedicured toes. Or even collecting dust in my bathroom cabinet.
We broke up. It was the shortest relationship I’ve ever been in. But one that didn’t take months or years to try and mend. It just wasn’t working out. And I sometimes wonder…”what could have been?”
What could have been if thousands of other women broke up with their scale too? Less heartache? Less anxiety? Less obsessive and pointless numbers game?
Can you join me and ditch the scale, once and for all? I have a better idea for a long-lasting relationship. One of self love – all for you and only for you. Pregnant or not. Skinny, flabby, round, or rock solid. Because being healthy and fit on the inside and outside is NOT a number that can ever be found on a scale….
I love this post, and I couldn’t agree more…the scale usually does more harm than good! 🙂
By the way, I felt the EXACT same way with each of my pregnancies — I couldn’t bear the thought of anything healthy. It was carbs, carbs, carbs for that first trimester every single time! Hang in there, Mamma!
Completely agree Blair! It’s funny, since I sailed through my first pregnancy, I just expected that to be my norm. HA so so so wrong. Bring on those first trimester carb loading sessions!
I want to marry this post. No, seriously. Not only do I love your writing style, but I love your message. I have a scale and I know EXACTLY how much I “should” way and when it changes by even 1 tenth of a kilogram it totally affects my mood (yeh, I live in Europe and now know my weight in two different units). If the “right” weight pops up, I’m happy and feel good and don’t mind splurging a little if I get a craving, but GOD FORBID the “wrong” weight pop up. I look in the mirror and suddenly feel fat. It sounds ridiculous because I know I’m not fat but that stupid scale plays mind games with me….
I think I might have to dump the scale too.
Casey | http://www.frenchblissme.com
I love you! Thanks for making my day 🙂 I totally understand what you are saying! It’s a vicious cycle and totally plays mind games. You are not alone! And yes girlfriend, dump that scale!!!
Fantastic! That’s the attitude to have. The numbers are determined by SO many things…they simply are not accurate…ever! Haha!
SO TRUE! It fluctuates all the time (at least for most people). Thanks Rebecca!
I love this so much…the title caught my attention right away because I can totally relate.
So…little background story.
I have always been naturally petite…for years I wore a size 0 and could eat whatever I wanted. A lot of people hated me for that, I did not even think about it- after all, it was all I knew! Then my anxiety got bad and I decided to try paxil… at the end when I decided never mind, take me off these-because I was gaining weight- I was up to 119. The thought of being at almost 120 scared me- after all, I felt it was not my natural weight because it was from the pills. I went onto another pill that did not make me gain as much weight and am still on them but going off of those too…. anyway, long story short, I have been going to the gym twice a week and can SO see how the scale can get obsessive. And the number on your jeans. Like, who cares?! The sad part is I am 115 now and have been steadily at that and still feel like I want to lose 5 pounds… It’s so silly…I am being active, eating healthier, going to the gym more than I ever have and enjoying it- why should it matter? I seriously hate that….it gets me heated. I feel you felt the same way… thanks for this. More people need to understand this!
I totally understand that sometimes a scale can be helpful for those with unhealthy lifestyles, trying to get on track and lose weight. BUT when we obsess about 5-10 pounds when already living an active, healthy lifestyle, I just think it needs to stop! Stop the madness! You are so right, why should it matter? You are clearly making great choices so love yourself and stop that obsession over 5 pounds silly! xoxo
I’m currently pregnant with my first child and I broke up with my scale after my 1st trimester because it was making me nuts. But this is great mentality! Thanks for sharing 🙂
kristinacamille.com
GOOD FOR YOU! Especially being pregnant, I understand the weird feeling of “I know I’m supposed to gain weight” but that old mindset of freaking out about it. So silly!!! Thank you for stopping by Kristina and CONGRATULATIONS!!
Chrissa, I completely agree with you about ditching the scale! I purposely removed the scale from my home when I was raising my two daughters (now 22 & 24). I didn’t want them getting into the numbers game. As I was busy building up their confidence and self esteem I didn’t want an arch rival getting in the way! As teens and even now they were always a great weight and body proportion (size 00 and size 2) so I didn’t feel the need to add the temptation of a scale. Only recently, as empty nesters, I reintroduced the scale to our household as my husband is wanting to track his fitness goals. But I never step on the scale because I would rather be driven by healthy eating and exercise than by a number on a scale glowing back at me.
Oh what a fantastic mom move! There is SO much pressure to look a certain way, especially for young girls. I think the scale is a useful tool when in the right frame of mind, but for so many women, it’s just a destructive self-hating game! Thanks so much Denay!
I am with you! The scale and I have never been friends. When I’ve had a scale I’ve checked my weight obsessively and have never been satisfied, so I broke up with my scale too. Great post with a great message to share!
So glad you ditched it too. If it’s a destructive habit, then WHY?! Thanks Crystal!
I think scales cause a really unhealthy obsession in focusing on numbers alone. It’s so much better to focus on how you feel and look in your clothes. The number on the scale can be affected by so many variables as well so it’s really hard to go by. I know I’ve personally over obsessed with weighing myself and I completely agree-it’s better to ditch the scale and focus on health. 🙂
AGREED! I always try to tell my girlfriends that obsess about 5 pounds here and there, “do your clothes fit?” and inevitably they say yes. So then why are we obsessing about a number?! Plus as long as you FEEL good, physically and mentally, isn’t that what should matter?! Thanks Cara 😉
I have a love/hate relationship with my digital scale. I try to only step on once a week, but lately I’ve been doing great at maintaining my weight (sarcasm) so there hasn’t been much of a need for it!
I just feel like weight fluctuates SO much! Morning vs evening. Water weight, etc etc. Thanks for stopping by Rachel!
This is great! Scales are not allowed in my home. They are for doctors 🙂 It’s so hard to focus on being healthy and positive when those numbers are haunting you. Good job breaking up with yours!
Sometimes we as women let these things get to us in a way that can be so destructive! Good for you Brittany!
I’m with you, girl. The scale is more of a Debbie Downer than a helpful tool for most of us. However, I do believe that when an overweight person first sets out on a weight loss/healthy lifestyle journey, the scale can be a useful measurement tool (kind of like calorie-counting). We have to know where we are starting, and get some regular check-in info as we work toward a healthier weight. But for those already at a healthy weight – time is better spent worrying about things beyond numbers!
p.s. I can totally relate to your second pregnancy. With both my pregnancies I was nauseated 24/7 and couldn’t stand the thought of a vegetable. I feel for women in this boat and tell them – just get through it!!
Completely agree! Of course if you are striving to make life changes the your weight is affecting your health, the scale can be a very useful tool for progress! Nauseas 24/7?! Ugh pregnancy can be so brutal sometimes!
One of my favorite posts of yours. I request more ‘self love’ posts. <3
Xoxo I’m so glad you like it Brett. 🙂
Love this so much <3 The scale is so stupid and cannot define self-worth. You should be so proud that your body is able to healthfully grow a tiny human being! Love this inspiration! 🙂
Proud but more so, THANKFUL! Thank you so much Rachel.
I worked in weight loss for years and the first thing I always told clients was ditch the scale and start focusing on energy levels, how your clothing fits…etc!
I personally have never owned a scale and never will! LOVE this post!
Ohhhh how I love ya!!! I don’t really encourage any of my clients to use a scale – if they want to, it’s up to them. I’d much rather encourage them to go by “feel” or more qualitative stuff. Or even how their pants fit! The reality is, strength > a number on a scale.
This is SO important!
So so so important! Women of today need to stop letting that number dictate so much emotional highs/lows!
I love this! I couldnt agree with you more–I got rid of mine shortly after I got married becauseI was getting insane about it! I feel way better with myself now and I dont care about the exact number!
Gaaah like WHY?! Isn’t it so silly!! SO glad you ditched it too Heather!
I haven’t had a scale in a long time, and it feels so freeing. Thank you for this post!
That’s so awesome Charissa! Good for you!
I love this post! The scale is a dangerous thing to have around in my opinion. I never had one in my home but my gym has several and I used to hop on it every time to see where I was at. When I was planning my wedding, I was actually losing weight (which I did not need to do) and I because so stressed over it. I encourage everyone to throw that baby out. It’s just a number!
Totally just a number!! The gym scales can be super tempting too – because you’re all “these are totally accurate scales” which once again, can lead to negativity over nothing. Stressing over a number is certainly not worth it! Thanks Carly!
This is a great post! I’m not one to weight myself often at all – it can be such a negative cycle!
Agreed!! Thanks so much Alisa.
Love this post!! The scale helps me realize if I need to drink more water, sleep at night etc. I had a long lasting battle with it when I was diagnosed with thyroid disease. I reached a point where I just became apathetic about it. Something I have been doing here lately is making sure I am consistently weight training so I can whittle down size.
Thanks Autumn! Weight training is a great plan. Thyroid issues are no joke – and SO hard to figure out sometimes. I feel for you!!
i very rarely weight myself as it never leads to anything good. i think breaking up with the scale is great
Agreed. RARELY does it ever lead to good things! Thanks Michelle!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I broke up with my scale in high school, and now only get weighed at doctors apps [even then I ask them not to tell me the number!]. That number on the scale means NOTHING to me anymore, but at one point it determined SO much in my life. It’s sad how much joy I lost because of that thing.
ROCK ON. How many others have lost joy over a stupid number?! Too many right?! Thanks Kat. Love your perspective!
I so agree with this! I need to remove my scale because my beautiful thin teen and tween girls are on that stupid scare obsessing every day.
GOOD FOR YOU MOMMA! That is such an easily influential age!
this post is so cute Chrissa, I loved it! I read it in between sets of my lifts at the gym haha, it was the perfect way to keep motivated. Funnily enough, I too have NEVER owned a scale.
After stepping on a scale randomly like once or twice a year and literally staying the same weight for… 5 years, i just stopped caring what it said altogether. It is SO much more important about how you feel, and I have never felt better! Why ruin it with something that literally has no effect on your life.
So excited to see your bb!! Your family is so adorable already. Hope the pregnancy is going well, minus the chocolate + cheese pasta shells
Of course you are multitasking 😉 I couldn’t agree more and glad you’ve never been tempted to buy a stupid scale. You are sooooo sweet, I love you, and I’m continued to be inspired by you! (ps don’t knock chocolate and cheese shells till you’ve tried it) 😉
Hell yes! Preach sista! I am so in love with this post. Thank you for putting yourself out there in order to inspire others. FYI- it’s working! Count me in for ditching the scale. Who says a number should dictate self with, confidence, or your overall attitude for the day? I for sure don’t!
100million percent agree! I know you are all about self love 😉
Good for you. I think weighing yourself every so often is good but not too much, if you’re trying to lose weight because for some people you can’t see progress physically but you may see a dip on the scale (I also understand sometimes this works the opposite way.) It’s very important not to focus on the number on the scale because we are all so much more.
Great point Dia. I think using the scale to track progress if you have a weight loss goal can be helpful, but obsessing or letting that number derail a person can be soooo harmful! Thanks for your comment!
I broke up with my scale too!
I’m a plus-sized girl, I have been battling my weight and the number on the scale for YEARS. I’ve been miserable. I’ve had progress. I’ve seen 20lbs gone, or 40lbs gone, and then I’ve seen plateaus and I’ve lost hope. I’ve given up after good progress and after no progress.
It finally became a realization to me that the thing that makes me give up most is not the progress or the lack of progress, but the associating that progress with a number that I obsessively check on a scale. Even if I tell myself to only look at it once a week, which is what is recommended, it’s soul crushing when it doesn’t say what I want it to say or doesn’t match up with what I feel.
So I ditched it. I’m just going to go by what I feel.
Angie, without sounding condescending in any way, I am SO PROUD OF YOU! I wish everyone could read this comment and feel inspired by your story! That is so brave and freaking awesome of you. Glad you ditched it too and are following your body’s intuition, not the number.
I freaking hate my scale. I actually have made my husband hide it. I don’t know where it is, and I don’t care. It took awhile, but it needed to be done. I had become obsessed with the number.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!
Good for you! I struggled emotionally with my weight during pregnancy, even though what I gained was in the healthy range. Since having my baby, I’m not so obsessed. I think it’s time to toss the scale for good!
Good for you for breaking up with the scale! I’ll admit, I don’t really know how to! Fortunately, I only use it once or twice a week, but I find that it motivates me to stay healthier; granted, the scale also causes quite a bit of anxiety and chasing the elusive 127 lbs. goal weight I always keep in mind. *Sigh* I’m not sure what to do! Thanks for sharing!
I do realize it can be a good motivator for some. It’s not ALL that bad, but it can be such an addicting habit. And yes ANXIETY! Just remember Lori, how you feel and you strong you are certainly should motivate you more than that evil 127 number. You got this! Throw that thing out! 🙂
When I was pregnant, I was so sick, I ate anything that made me feel better. The first pregnancy, it was bagels and cream cheese. The second was Deli Deluxe American Cheese on Rye Bread. I guess my babies craved dairy and carbs 🙂 Now that my “babies” are almost 4, and I’m more conscious of being healthy, I only get on the scale every once in a while. I like to check in, but I mostly go by how my clothes fit and by how I feel.
I’m glad you broke up with your scale. Growing a baby is hard work, and you deserve to eat anything that baby wants 🙂
Bread tastes like GOLD that first trimester. Why is that?! Babies just like bread – I guess it’s a fact. Thanks so much for your comment – so relatable!!
So great! I was a hard core ballerina all growing up and in my college years so the scale was a constant. I was always extremely under healthy weight so I would obsess about not going to low or high. This obsession with maintaining the “perfect ” weight was debilitating. After battling cancer and survivng, I have since lost the scale and am happy and healthy. I measure things by the fit of my clothes, my energy level, endurance and my gut health now. Rather than an arbitartry number.
You are 110% an inspiration and your story is amazing. Really telling about what’s important in life after dealing with such an awful circumstance. I’m so glad you are now a survivor and also ditched the old mentality about weight!
Loved this post! I used to be obsessive and would weigh myself on our scale multiple times a day. At that point, I knew it was unhealthy and I needed to change. I got rid of it and haven’t looked back. To this day, I don’t know how much I weight, but I don’t care. My health is not defined by a number.
Good for you girlfriend! That’s really awesome that you realized that on your own, and chucked the scale once and for all! 100% agreed – health is NOT defined by a number!
I love this post and am in complete agreement! Although, I do occasionally hop on the scale to gauge where I am at and how certain dietary/fitness techniques are working, I have accepted that the weight on the scale does not define my worth! Thanks for sharing and for encouraging me to consider to ditch it for good!
xx, Emily | Something Gold, Something Blue
This is the first time I have visited your blog. I really love this post 😀 Thanks!
Awe thank you so much Marsha! I hope you come back!